The life of 5

dealing with all life throws our way

Transitions

So we have made some big transitions here! We have moved! Well…not fully….but mostly! We have moved every two to three years, since I have been married, so this isn’t a new thing but as the children get older moves get harder!

I tried my hardest to prepare the kiddos for the move, but like with all things, you never really know how things are going to be until you go through them. Things I have learned with moving with children with anxiety issues:

  1. Conversations ahead of time is a must. We talked through everything before it happened. We made a list of all the awesome reasons why this move would be good and found atleast one good thing about the new school that maybe the old school didn’t have.
  2. Out of all the rooms in the house, M’s room was the first to be complete with pictures and everything because of anxiety levels. He needed something that was done, to be able to process the situation better.
  3. We get their opinions on the little things. “How does this picture look?” And get their help putting the things away. They have a lot of ownership at the new house.
  4. New place, means new habits. So we have been working on starting some good habits here together. From doing a load of laundry a day, to making sure  lights stay turned off. They are doing a great job!
  5. Touring their new school quickly after moving here. Knowing what lies ahead for them has been really helpful. They are not a nervous because it isn’t going to be “new”.
  6. Keeping their daily routines as same as possible in the new place. The great things has been time wise, our routines really haven’t changed. Currently, Mom hasn’t had to start work yet, so I have been able to cook dinner and spend most of the days with them which they like. They have all told me they hate me working over night. It’s nice knowing that with this move, I will no longer need to do that.

So sorry for the long pause, but as you can tell we have been busy! Hope that you have a wonderful day today and look at the transitions in life with an open heart!

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Looking for sunshine through the rain….

I feel like there is a storm of things in my life. Though it has actually rained the past two days, the storms of situations have been going on for a while now. As a family we are dealing with a lot, the gist of it is, two of our close family members are in the ICU, one on each side of our family. While they are two promising situations, both have had some set backs. There is so much more I could sit here and complain about, stress about, but I want to focus on the sunshine.

After a exceptionally rough night with dreams for me and a hard morning getting up and moving, I had a friend text me. She sent me this image along with a personal prayer:

I cried when I saw it, because it was exactly what I needed and when I needed it. It was my ray of sunshine.

This past Sunday I meet up with a friend whom I hadn’t seen in a while. We have a great time together, talking. It was a ray of sunshine.

Last week I called a family member to let them know what was going on with our family. We just talked about everything going on in life, and she got me to laugh, a ray of sunshine.

I met up with a friend the day I got the news about a family member, and while she was in surgery I got to share my worries with a friend. She listen, cared, and told me to go home and sleep….a ray of sunshine.

My husband has been so supportive and willing to take of work so I can travel to be with family. He has helped navigate the budget, so I don’t feel bad about losing income, and has been extremely supportive and helpful with applying for a teaching/assistant position. A huge ray of sunshine.

Although we feel like everything is falling apart, focusing on the rays of sunshine will allow the storm to not feel so bad.

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Every day is a gift

How quickly life can change on you….we need to be thankful for each moment we have with someone.

I am struggling right now, because one of the toughest people I know is going through a very difficult time, and I am not there with them.

Please pray….for those in pain, for those with difficult journeys, for those with family suffering, for those feeling helpless in tough situations.

 

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Breathe

Have you ever had a song that just kinda sums up how you are feeling in life? Or a song that when you hear it on the radio you think, Okay, I got the message! For me it’s been the song Breathe by Jason Diaz.

“Alarm clock screaming bare feet hit the floor
It’s off to the races everybody out the door
I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life
Ninety miles an hour going fast as I can
Trying to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand
So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life
It’s ready, set, go it’s another wild day
When the stress is on the rise in my heart I feel You say just”

(My thoughts…this is so my life right now. I feel like I am running to and from work, appointments, etc. I feel like I am constantly on the go from the moment my feet hit the floor until the moment I crash and fall asleep at night.)

(chorus)
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at My feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe

(My thoughts: This is the part of the song I become very aware of my breathing for the first time for the day at least. It always gets me to relax and refocus on what I am doing and thinking)

Third cup of joe just to get me through the day
Wanna make the most of time but I feel it slip away
I wonder if there’s something more to this crazy life
I’m busy, busy, busy, and it’s no surprise to see
That I only have time for me, me, me
There’s gotta be something more to this crazy life
I’m hanging on tight to another wild day
When it starts to fall apart in my heart I hear You say just

(My thoughts: while I at first was taken aback by this verse. The me, me, me, but when I really think about it it’s more like my, my, my. My family, My husband, My job. I do find that I am so consumed with life that I don’t make enough time for Him.)

(chorus)
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at My feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need

(bridge)
Is to take it in fill your lungs
The Peace of God that overcomes
Just breathe
Let your weary spirit rest
Lay down what’s good and find what’s best
Just breathe

(chorus)
Just breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at My feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Just breathe

This is my song for now. Take a look at the video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnjeMwxFuBA

Do you have a song that seems to speak to you? Leave me a message below with the song so I can take a listen!

 

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A Supermom’s Guilty Feelings

So as many know, my children are in a year round school. They have had break from Easter until April 22nd. During this time I work at night, the times range, but there are times I am coming home just as they wake up.

I have been feeling really guilty lately just how things are working out. Dinners haven’t been done the way we planned, the house is starting to fall apart. I am still looking for another job, appointments, lack of sleep….you know the drill. The guilt just kept building up and building up.

I broke yesterday. I was told that in therapy my daughter is being me. When the therapist explained what she does, I started crying. She asked if things are stressful at home….ummm…yeah….I don’t want my daughter to see me as running around saying there is so much to do. I don’t have time for anything. After a midnight crying session (my lunch break) with the hubby, I am feeling much better. Sometimes you just need to cry and let it all out.

So today I viewed things a little different. I had things planned for them while I napped. I planned fun things to do together while I was awake. I cleaned up the kitchen some, and went grocery shopping with them. I feel like I can do this. I will not let the guilt get the best of me. I need to make the most of the time I have with them, the rest will fall into place.

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What are you going to be when you grow up?

You would think that a 32 year old mom of three kids would have some sort of idea of what she wanted to be as an adult…well the truth is I haven’t a clue. My current J-O-B is not fulfilling to me. I was recently posed the questions “Would I feel different if I was in Management?” They truth is….I don’t know. I love to teach, being a teacher was my ideal life ever since the 5th grade and while I am trying to get back into the classroom know it is proving itself harder then I anticipated.

When I sit down and think about it though, the honest, gut-retching truth of it all is I just want to make a difference. I love seeing positive changes in people. I love rooting for the underdog. I love seeing huge changes in peoples lives just by caring for them. But in a world where money seems to drive things, this can be hard to do.

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The hubby and I were having a conversation the other day about jobs and pay. It seems that there are some equality issues when it comes to women’s soccer pay vs. men’s pay here in the US. While I applaud those women for stepping up and bringing up the injustice,  it stills hurts my heart to see the difference in pay for pro-athletes and entertainers verses those public service workers. It’s amazing how much we as a society are willing to pay for entertainment but not for education or safety.

If I could just be paid for the amount of love I pour out, I would be a very rich person. As a manager pointed out to me the other day, I love hard, I care too much at times. I guess what I want to be when I grow up is a positive, supportive person who find an occupation that allows me to share this and get paid for it (and still works around the kiddos schedule!)

What about you? What is your dream job?

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Teamwork makes the Dreamwork

So as some may know M had a very difficult year in Kindergarten. I am so happy to say first grade has been an amazing experience! After graduating from therapy just a week ago his therapist said it has been an awesome transformation, but it wouldn’t have been so quick had it not been for the team. She laughed and said I should write a book about my experience. For now it’ll just be this blog. 🙂

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Here is our dream team: behavioral therapy, psychiatrist, a switch in schools with an awesome special education and regular education teacher, major changes at home and finding the right medicine. I am going to start with medicine. I am going to be honest, when things first started to fall apart, I was a firm believer that I just didn’t want to put my child on medicine just because. It took a lot of trial and error (some big errors…) to find what was the right medicine for him to be on. But I can not believe the changes in him since he started on the right thing. I was very open about not wanting him to lose who he is on the medicine. I can tell you, he is still the sweet caring little boy, he just has a better grasp on him emotions and actions. Life isn’t perfect but it’s a lot better. He notices a difference on the medicine. He will make sure that he has it because he likes being able to have more control.

We had to find the right psychiatrist to make this happen though. We went through two practices before we found the right one. One who we felt was really listening to us and our concerns. One who was not just brushing us off, or just trying to push us out the door. This doctor is amazing. He said he appointments will usually run late because he will not push a child out the door if they are opening up to him. He wants to make sure everything is being taken care of. He makes M feel invited and connects with him on the things that interests M.

After having a struggling year in Kindergarten, and the anxiety that built up just walking through the doors of that school; a change was needed. With the help of his school last year, we decided he needed a change. He went to a new school, in a classroom with only 6 children, so that he would have the extra attention and teaching he needed. This was very short lived though, because he is not only in that classroom to check in first thing in the morning and last thing in the afternoon. He has learned some awesome strategies on how to voice his feelings, take a deep breath and remove himself from situations to take a minute to calm down and pull himself together. His regular education teacher has been patient and caring. Both teachers have said many people in the school ask why he is in the classroom he is in because of how well he is doing.

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His behavioral therapist is amazing. She has not only been working with him but with me too. I have a tendency to talk to much, to try to rationalize things with him and in those moments it’s not what is necessary. I have learned to communication with him without even talking. Through games and strategies we know better ways to express anger. We are finding other ways to take out our frustrations. Through our sessions I realized there were times we were throwing fuel to an already burning fire by the way we handled things.

This lead to changes here in the house. How we handle situations have changed. Our routines have changed. There is more structure for when certain things happen. Electronics are a weekend only thing, except for him earning 5-10 minutes after completing all his homework without any problems. We are working on being more consistent with what we say and how we handle things. We have learned to not make any promises to him that we can’t keep because it doesn’t end well for anyone.

It has been such a growing experience. One with many ups and downs, but I am beginning to understand how God is using me through this. I know this is not the end of things, but only the beginning. With a solid team though, having the people you can go to for help, has made a world of difference!

 

 

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Alphabet Soup

So this past week was filled with tons of meeting for the kiddos. BIP, IEP, DEC1, 504…etc… If you know what I am talking about then you know all about “alphabet soup”. For those of you who don’t, welcome to the world of making sure you’re child getting everything they need in order to succeed.

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I think I have learned more about the world of special education in this past year and a half then I did while I was teaching. But through it all it has only confirmed my love and passion of being in the classroom and advocating for the needs of others.

It is hard to go against what the school thinks, and knowing what is best for your kids. Knowing that there is something that is not right even if everyone tells you otherwise is difficult. As a parent sometimes you just know that something is off, and just follow those instincts.

In the end the big thing is you just want your kid to succeed in life. You want what is best for them, and there is nothing wrong with that.

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Can work make you happy?

So the other day I was at work the other day having a discussion with my manager. I stated to him that I am beginning to hate work, being there because of certain situations are making me physically ill. His response was, “Well no one really likes there job. They don’t wake up and jump out of bed and say Yes I get to go to work today.”

Is that true? I was always told to do what makes you happy. If you are not happy where you work then you are in the wrong profession. I haven’t had many jobs but I have always enjoyed my jobs and when I begin dreading it (if it comes to that), then I’m no longer where I am intended to be. I feel that if you are happy with what you are doing, then you are going to produce the best work possible. Not only that but you are going to make your work environment a better place for everyone.

What are your thoughts? Are you happy with your work? As for me, well this quote pretty much sums up my feelings.

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Totally Not Feeling It

So I have started a blog 6 times and just have not felt like it was what was needed to be blogged. I seem to be in a funk. Have any of you ever felt that way?

What are some things you have done to get out of it?

 

 

 

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